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CultureRenewal Initiative
Healing the Planet
To Begin with A New Spirituality


News from the Hermitage
"Living with the Ultimate"

MotherBlog 2 (1)
Restructure your life/Practise the Teaching

December 11, 1999
Birthday of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
(My "midwife")

Some friends have argued, that a clear overview of the teaching would very much contribute to the value of my website. They thought, that the need for structure in guidance is rapidly growing. Aren't many people facing the inflation of existing "spiritual" philosophies? It is the cause of increasing confusion.

People desperately cling to borrowed images, concepts and ideas. Only to discover that they are hollow, devoid of any meaning. Spirituality itself has become corrupted. The time is ripe for a breakthrough, they said. It coincides with the Revelation of the Mother.

I more and more acknowledge the value of dreams. They are the channel through which the Mother is conveying Her Messages. The clearer the dream, the more likely that they come from Her. Time and again She expresses Her real concern to me: BALANCE. F.i. last night's dream was all about making up my arrears. Its meaning: I have to hurry up with spreading Mother's Message. 

So, yes, I agree, the second month the emphasis of the blog will be on teaching. May I invite you to read a key text first? After having read it, your understanding of the rest will be much more plausible.

To open the file, click:
Turn On/Kehr Um/Keer Omme

December 12, 1999

I prayed to the Mother, asking for a "new spirit". For how to "spread Her Message?". To me, most of the time, reality "Is As It Is". I joyfully live the Moment, the HereNow. This Inner Equanimity isn't exactly suitable for going out and "preach". Moreover, I am not a missionary type. And even if I had the drive, how to reach people? Should I go to the streets with a text on my back "Come ye all unto the Mother?"

On the other hand, there is the Grace I have received in my life. It is so overwhelming, that I cannot ignore it, whatsoever. In it, it bears the obligation that it "should become fruitful". There is no other way. I thus fall between two stools. The least I could do this moment is to start my teaching here in the website.*

* See also: "Origin"

People may come to the Mother through various ways. One very direct way is that they love their (earthly) mother. This gives them a spontaneous acceptance of the "Cosmos as a Mother". Or the opposite is true. You always have missed a caring mother. Your whole life you have been longing for one. The miracle is, that She had been always there, waiting for you.

In the most crucial moments of life, a spontaneous re-connection with the Source may take place. Hence, people (soldiers f.i.) in their last moments, always cry out for "mother". Have you ever heard a dying person calling for "father?" No, in those Moments of Truth you reach out to the Primordial Ground of Existence, the Mother. It is the best proof of Her All-Embracing Presence.

One would say, that women will be the first, who would acknowledge the Mother. A small group certainly does. They are taking the lead. The majority, though, considers this as a setback in emancipation. They have totally identified themselves with patriarchal achievements, focusing themselves on independence, rational thinking, a career, power and shopping.

You even cannot blame them for it! According to C.G. Jung, women - in order to become whole - have to develop their "animus", their masculine part within. For them, it means liberation from dependency,  oppression and exploitation. They have to become strong themselves. That doesn't mean, that they should copy the masculinity of current society, though!!!

In fact, women are facing the same problem as grown-up boys do. In order to develop their masculine ego, the latter have to distance themselves from the mother. The greatest fear is to fall back into the "chaos" of the womb. The balance comes with later life, though. In order for men to become whole, they have to develop their feminine part: the "anima". Men may not have the "substance", they certainly have a perspective. They have the chance to move in the right direction. 

Women are not to be envied. Everywhere, where they try to adapt to the (Western) system, they immediately corrupt themselves. A large number have drawn conclusions out of this. They work parttime, just enough to provide themselves a living. The solution? For women (and men!) to flower - to live as human beings - the context in which they live and work has to change. First step towards it is going back to the Source in order to become renewed.

Will be continued. 

December 13, 1999

Two days ago on TV I saw a German cabaretier. As a good professional he poked fun at everything. In particular his body language was very outspoken. I started imitating the man, while teasing MeiMei about it. Very soon this proved to be very enjoyable, giving way to staggering creativity. I felt extraordinary free and happy (MeiMei too). Suddenly I saw myself confronted with the Mother. I felt great hesitation. Would I dare to poke fun at Her, as well?

Immediately I realized: "If you meet the Buddha on your road, kill him". Yes, there is every danger of identifying yourself with your "object" of worship. Mixing up Reality with its image. A valuable teaching, indeed. So, I laughed in Mother's face. It immediately felt as a relief, a purification, really. Driven by spiritual zest some play the fool their entire life. Philipp Neri was such a man.*

* Neri lived in the Renaissance, at a time people became increasingly "secular". He went through town behaving like a donkey. It was his way of teaching. Obviously, not poking fun at God, but at himself. 

Some will say: "don't come up with a corresponding dream again". Well, I have to disappoint you. I dreamt I was at a reunion with my fellow university students. One had become a skilled surgeon. He offered me a "cleansing operation" for the intestine. After some reluctance I gave him permission to carry out the operation......

Flashes of doubts popped up. What if the Mother is just a bubble? A self-invented idol? Dictated by "a mother-complex?". Although I know this isn't true - Her Reality is more real than all other realities together - I just will use it for rounding off my game. "Dinge zu Ende denken", the Germans say. So, the coming days I will continue to play the fool. In order to get rid of every artificial fetter.

Isn't this phantastic? This month I decided to dedicate myself to teaching and what happens? She is teaching me. As if She wants to say: "okay, if you want to do this, at least do it with a purified mind". She is the guardian of Cosmic Balance. It is typical for all of Her other interventions. Isn't She great?

How adventurous life can be!

December 14, 1999
( I have more material than I can process! That's why I have separated the days in parts, each with a new story)  

Part 1

Nowadays, many religious groups try to spread their message by displaying "positivity". They recognize the miserable situation people are in. So, they preach "happiness", "beauty", "optimism", "harmony" and "peace". "Negativity" - stress, burn-out, war, injustice, destruction of the earth - they say, makes you unhappy. That's why you should shut them out of your mind. Replace fear by love, they say.

What the above mentioned don't realize, though (or do they...?), is that it doesn't work out like that. In fact, by emphasizing "positivity" while excluding "negativity" you only make things worse. If you don't allow problems to enter your conscious mind, the latter will accumulate in your unconscious shadow*

* It is inherent to the process of identification. It is always excluding the opposite pole. Hence, in (genuine) spirituality not identification (with an image, concept or idea), but realization - to be who you Really Are - is central.

The more "positive" you try to be, the stronger your shadow will become. Until a critical "mass" is reached. Then, mostly totally unexpected - any minor provocation will do - the volcano erupts. All your accumulated pain, fear, disappointments and anger suddenly come to the open. Overnight your "harmony" turns into frustration, bitterness and indeed.....negativity. Of course, your minister will be the first to "help" you turning your "moods" into "positivity", once again.....

* For centuries the Church has lived from "sin". Now they live from "negativity", while non-Christian teachings live from "karma" f.i. Everybody has to make a living, after all! 

Or it doesn't erupt.Your self-control is simply too strong. These are the people, who at the surface display "positivity", while secretly poisoning their surroundings with jalousy, manipulations, gossiping, telling lies and insidious underground warfare. Obviously, I also very much wish, that you may have a joyful life. My entire work is dedicated to it. The way is different, though.*

* About the practical part of becoming Whole, see f.i.: "Emotional self-integration"

Yesterday night I gave a talk titled "Burn-out, end or new beginning?" It is about the dead end people are in. The way out is simple: the Truth and nothing but the Truth.

A dream gave me a taste about our current situation. Together with some others I was walking in a polluted stream. All kinds of nasty things were in the water: worms, snakes, deformed fishes, little monsters of all kinds. Suddenly, somebody sank into the mud. With great effort I could rescue him.

Next scene. In town there was a huge "state parking garage". Inside, thousands of people had their vehicles parked. All at once, people came from all corners, rushing to their cars. Within minutes they all drove out. Leaving a desolate empty building behind.

Who is going to follow me in healing the wasteland?

You may already make a start.
Sovereign Living/Souverän Leben/Soeverein Leven

Part 2

Some of you maybe curious about my "playing the fool". Did I manage it? Well, first of all, I "played" "God's Fool" already in my 10 years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987). It was sheer innocence, bestowed on me by Grace. In the mean time, 20 years have passed, truly a period of trial and error. Now, my mission is to restore the original innocence, this time including all aspects of my personality. Hard work and trust in the Mother combined is bringing this about.

Do you remember yesterday? Where I felt hesitation to poke fun at the Mother? Well, the Mother - being All-Embracing - "would have no problem whatsoever" by accepting everything, without exception. In fact, that is what She is doing all the time. So, what was behind my reluctance? You guess it, finding it difficult to poke fun at myself!

I acknowledge, that at times I am too serious about myself, my role and my mission. I am too much identified with them. To such an extent, that I loose my inner freedom. Playfulness, love and laughter - inherent to my True Self - then disappear behind the clouds of my effort. "Compared to others" isn't that bad (at all) (haha). But it simply feels too heavy, sometimes.

The Mother helps me by letting me remember. By realizing my situation, I at once jump back into the HereNow. Without any effort. Sticking to the Moment, clarity, joy, compassion, sharing and celebration - all symptoms of true "foolishness" - are immediately taking possession of me. It strenghtens my resolve to continue Mother's work on earth.

Become Mother's Fool!

Part 3

To my yesterday's lecture only five people attended. Normally, I really don't care how many people come to me. I am not obsessed with "results", at all*. This time I felt vulnerable, though. I am "investing" already for such a long time. The resonance is still disappointing. I felt, that even my friends are "pulling out". Some support came from predecessors in the past. I remembered Jesus and Teresa of Avila, both complaining of being let down by their closest allies.

* NB. Not clinging to results is the main teaching of the Bhagavat Gita.

The way I "solved my problem" wasn't very fair. I started reminding MeiMei about the fact, that she had promised to organize the meetings. In practice, almost nothing had been done in that regard. Hence, the poor results. In such a situation I can really nag. Of course, I felt deeply sorry about it. In fact, my inner child felt lonely, begging for some sympathy e.g. attention.

Especially in situations that matter the Mother would immediately interfere. This time I got the following dream.

I found myself in a train about to depart. MeiMei was standing outside, waving goodby to me. She looked very beautiful, alive and compassionate. Suddenly, she jumped on the outside of my compartment, while the train was already moving, opening the window, saying that she would be there for me in the evening.

I was very concerned, shouting to her that she should jump off the train, something she did at last. In the train I subsequently searched for my suitcase, looking everywhere. I searched a corner where children were playing. Nothing. There wasn't one! Suddenly, I realized that I was on a train with unknown destination, without any means, whatsoever. I had nothing to fall back on.

Am I the only one, who is receiving such unique guidance? Actually, I don't believe so. Mother's compassion is including everyone and everything. So many more people must have similar experiences. That is a comforting thought. In my case, the dream showed me the way I have to to go: into the unknown, without any pre-conceived ideas or plans.

To depart in order to come home, once again.

December 15, 1999

Part 1

Yesterday a real breakthrough happened. Even now the dream is still very much clear and alive. Which is a sign of its originality. "Archetypical" dreams are corresponding with your deeper levels. Through them you become aware of your inner wisdom, they empower you. It shows you the way out of a stalemate. In my case it was "to go into the unknown".

Deep within I knew the truth about it. However, the surface is resisting change. Your small self - in my case complacency, lack of courage, laziness - doesn't want to be disturbed. So, your inner Truth helps you to overcome the obstacles.

It strenghtened my mission. In a way, the Mother has made me more "independent". Its like eagle parents do. Once the young is able to fly, they reject it. By cutting the dependency, the young has to start hunting for him/herself. Heinrich Seuse (Suso), German mystic from the 14th century, had a similar experience. After having been under the guidance of "Eternal Wisdom" (Mother Sophia) for a long time, She one day said to him "Heinrich, from now on, be a man". It is the spiritual rebirth of masculinity.

So, am I ready? A good omen of being on the right track is, that the Cosmos starts "cooperating with you" (actually, the other way round). F.i. the fact, that we couldn't start a spiritual center here - which initially was a big disappointment - proves as being auspicious, for now I start spreading the message worldwide. After a long time of stagnation, somebody offered to translate my spiritual autobiography into English. Moreover, two different people invited me to do teachings in their centers....

Let's empower each other!

Part 2

To be confronted with nothingness is the fear of Western society. It is existential. In particular, men suffer from it. Aristotle rejected it, Augustin equalled it with the "Devil". (He was "right", because the "Devil" is a Christian deformation of the Original Mother!). In the Renaissance, "horror vacui" expressed what was felt in society, at large. Actually, it is the fear of the (male) ego to lapse into the womb of the mother. Subsequently, this is projected into the Divine Realm. There, it is the fear to be confronted with Absolute Nothingness.

O, irony, in order to avoid the (Empty) Ultimate, all kinds of images, concepts, rituals and theologies are created. Hence, religion is a collective attempt NOT to be confronted with God.....As an invocation it beats about the bush. But not only that. Fear of "looking back" (falling back into the womb) is the cause of our obsessive pre-occupation with the future. Because ANGST is the engine behind, the belief in "progress" is a matter of "life or death". Watch the nervousness of CEO's, when the monthly growth figures are dropping!

Overcoming our existential fear is indeed a matter of life or death, for the former is destroying the entire earth. It is projected in "progress", "growth", "profit", "expansion" and ultimately destruction. There is a saying: "the cause of your fear is your redemption". If this is true (and it is), then there will be no other way, but to confront nothingness. It is the modern variant of (male) heroism: the Search for the Dark Womb. It is the successor of the Hellenistic Mystery Religions, later popping up as the Quest for the Holy Grail. With mankind finding itself in the midst of he greatest crisis ever, the Great Mother has revealed Herself to the world*. Isn't that a miracle?

* See: "Threefold Realization" and "Universal Message"

The Cosmic Womb isn't that ultimate horror, people are so afraid of. On the contrary. It proves to be the "Cauldron of Regeneration" in which everything accumulated, old, sick and ugly is broken down, in order for new life to emerge. Only those, who go through Darkness will be truly reborn.* Once we start cooperating with Her, continuous renewal will be our share. The maternal "aura" facilitates this. With nothingness being an All-Embracing Womb - giving us eternal security - surrendering to Her will be much more easy. You start trusting Her. It gets even with the stories, that say, that being a "MotherWorshipper" is only for the meak and weak. Nothing is further from the Truth!**

* Plinius.

** Moreover, men who surrender to the Mother become less depending on their earthly wives. The more he gives his troubles back to Her, the greater the relief for his close relatives. Moreover, in history, countless great men got their wisdom, trust, strength, resolve and compassion through the Mother, from the ancient sacred kings, Dionysos, Jesus (....), the Teutonic Order, Parzival, Bernard of Clairveaux to the Knights Templar, the followers of the Black Madonna and Ignace of Loyola. See: "Green Men" and "HisStory"           

Become a hero!     

Part 3

It is not an exaggeration to say, that our entire culture is built on the denial of our Maternal Origin. In Reality, Light is born out of Darkness. Because this was a too frightening idea, Darkness was dethroned from its superior position*. Fear had to be neutralized. Hence, Darkness became Light's opposite. Why? Because as opposite (opponent!), it paved the way for patriarchy to combat it. Ever since, the "struggle of the Light against Darkness" has been dominating thoughts and actions.

* In the Enuma Enlil, the Babylonian myth (1200 BCE), in which Mother Tiamat was destroyed by the God Marduk. Continued by Jahweh, who in his turn, finally defeated the Canaanite MotherGoddess (a.o. Asherah).

Until this very day. It is the foundation of patriarchy and the discrimination of women. But also that of the "German master race" against the "Untermenschen", the Jews. It explains the ruthlessness with which technology is destroying nature, replacing it by its artificial e.g. virtual ersatz-world. These examples are all part of the same pattern: the struggle of a "superior" against an "inferior" underlying principle, having its origin in fear of the unknown. Even respected writers seem to be ignorant in this regard. They merrily go on propagating "Knight of the Light" crusades**.

* F.i. in one of the Gnostic Gospels God is boasting about the fact, that he created the world. The Mother interferes, shouting to him "You liar".

** F.i. Paulo Coelho "Warriors of Light" 

And this goes on. Identification with "the light", while denouncing the forces of "darkness", is the engine behind fundamentalism, especially the Christian variety. In the mean time, there are many millions of them, not only in the USA, but also in the "Third World" f.i.. Don't denounce them too soon as "primitive", for what to say of modernity, with its worship of "reason against the forces of irrationality and superstition" (meaning everything that is "not reason"). They both have a common denominator: the male ego*.

* Including all those women, who have identified themselves with the patriarchal mind.

"What you exclude will (one day) dominate you". The fears are projected in all kinds of horror-scenario's. Not for nothing is the US top producer in these kind of stories. It culminates in the "vision" of the Apokalypse. Do we really want to continue this kind of thing? What, people ask me, could be the solution? 

Darkness is NOT your enemy. It is the Womb of God and the entire universe, yourself included. Acknowledge Her as the Primordial Ground of existence. Be grateful to the birthgiver. Only to discover, that Light and Darkness aren't opposites, but that the former is born out of the latter. God is the LightBody of the Mother! By realizing this, Cosmic Balance will be restored. Deep fear will dissolve and for he first time you will be at peace with yourself and your surroundings.

Moreover, destruction is not a tool of a revengeful "God", punishing the "disbelievers". Actually, this whole idea is a gross misinterpretation of the original Mother religion!!! John of Patmos (who wrote the book of Revelation) was a disturbed man. His mind was poisoned by fear of the Eternal Feminine. Death, rebirth and permanence, on the other hand, are an expression of Mother's Law of the Universe. It is all about natural balances. By living in harmony with this Law, peace, harmony and joy will prevail.      

There are thus two types of heroes. One embracing Darkness, the other fighting against it. Which type are you? 

Can the earth still be saved?

December 16, 1999

Yesterday, I was a little bored with reading an article about "realizing your (personal) goal in life". Typically an example of a self-centered hype, I thought. In the evening, during my Night meditation, I remembered what I had read. A question popped up: "What is it that I want to realize in life?" I was astonished, for this question never occurred to me before. Slowly, it started to intrigue me. I decided to ask the Mother about it.

I got the following dream. A big package was sent to me. As I unwrapped it a quadrangular chest came out. I looked at it from all sides, trying to find an opening. There wasn't any. The chest was totally solid without any clue how to get in.

In the mean time, I was accompanied by two ladies: my ex and a new girlfriend. They were always around me. In the street, in the shop and in the park. The girlfriend was young and attractive. I gave  her a brief kiss on her cheek. The ex reacted jalously. She started to claim me more and more. At last I separated from her.

Krishnamurti invited me to meet him. He was already old and stayed in a countryside holiday hotel, crowded with common people, everything breathing an amiable atmosphere. I approached the table where he was supposed to have his lunch. He wasn't there. Don't worry his friends said to me: "he certainly will be back in half an hour".

Conclusion. I should not ask about "my goal in life", but cherish it as a treasure, a secret. Isn't that VERY beautiful? Furthermore: the ladies symbolize my "soul", the anima in me. The ex wants to impose her old patterns on me, while the girlfriend stimulates me to follow my intuition. It is reflecting the situation I am in. I indeed act according to my "spiritual insights", instead out of spontaneity.

Krishnamurti was old and had retired. Did he want to meet his "successor?" Was the appointment with him indicative for my future role? If this is the case, then at least the time isn't ripe, yet. I have to be patient (30 minutes haha). Eventually, everything will fall in its place, though.

Who said, spiritual life is boring?

December 17, 1999

The last couple of days we had high pressure weather. Especially yesterday was very beautiful, sunny and with a clear blue sky. This kind of weather always makes me happy, giving me more energy. So, I was out for a walk along the river and in the forest. It reminded me of my stay in LA, summer 2006. Life is very pleasant over there (unless you have too much work stress!). How privileged people are to live in such an environment!

Our window with a copy of the Black Madonna
of Rocamadour (France). You can see
the river as well as the forest

As you will have understood, all surprises in my life originate from the interaction between me and the Mother. So, I think it is time, that I tell you a little more of how to establish a relationship with Her. The first step could be to try to understand Her True Nature with your mind. This isn't really very difficult. As you know, the Ultimate can be visualized as a Vacuum, a Cosmic Womb, from which everything originates, while everything continuously returning to Her. Studying "vacuum physics" may help. Watching the firmament in the evening, you can easily imagine it to be a Womb in which we all live.

The second step could be, that you approach the Mother with your heart. Gratefulness is the key here. You owe your whole life to Her. How privileged you are to enjoy nature, Her web of life. How absolutely wonderful it is how everything is interconnected. You may remember special experiences. Maybe you have special feelings about your earthly mother, as well. Perhaps feelings of regret of having taken her sacrifice, dedication and effort for granted or the opposite, realizing her love she has for you. Maybe you acknowledge, how the maternal dimension of life has been neglected, nay, suppressed in our society.

If this has given you enough ground for further steps, then you can start to become aware of Her Presence. F.i. through body awareness. Throughout the day, you watch and feel your skin in contact with your clothes. The advantage: it is very pleasant, it doesn't take you any effort and you can do it continuously, regardless of the situation. Once this "feeling awareness" is sufficiently stabilized, you extend it by feeling contact with the surrounding space. Additional visualization can be helpful in this regard. It consists of imagening the surrounding space as the LightBody of Her all-embracing Womb, giving you total security*. Depending on your mood, you may add a mantra to it, f.i. "Mother, have mercy upon me".

* Or visualize the "Mother Mandala" of MotherBlog1

These are the basics. While tuning in you'll certainly discover your own creative way of extending your relationship with the Mother. Through this Blog you have a taste of how varied and adventurous this Path is. Different mantra's can be added. And not to forget the Night Meditation, which I have already elaborated upon. Daily contemplation e.g. prayer - just start talking to Her, in a most open, honest and dedicated way - is a vital component of the Worship. Give in to the needs and feelings of the Moment. If you feel the urge to prostrate yourself for Her, do it immediately. Don't say "I have no time right now, I' ll do it tonight". The same with singing and dancing!!!

In case of doubt, allow yourself an experiment. For three months you just take the "hypothesis of the Ultimate as a Mother" as self-evident. You start a role-play with Her, doing all the above-mentioned things. During that time, you just watch "what She is doing with you". 

Celebrating life.   

December 18, 1999

Part 1


Everybody, without exception, knows it
if we go on like we do
we have no chance of surviving our ordeal
normality proves to be a sickness
leading to destruction of the earth
as we know it

what would be more logic
but spiritual people recognizing
this fact, this crisis without precedence
isn't spirituality all about becoming aware
transforming your life
while subsequently serving the Whole?

where are they, those spiritual people
who follow the call of the cosmos
have you seen them recently?
rather than committing themselves
they use spirituality
for their own petty benefits

this world has been turned upside down
it is a wasteland covered by weeds
people are addicted, nay paralysed
forgetting who they are and why they are here
dying before they die
the smell of graveyard is everywhere

So, is there still hope?
a few courageous people would already
be enough to start all over again
let us thus come together
to create a New Heaven, a New Earth
and a New Community

Part 2

Last night I had the following dream. I was playing hockey with a couple of people. Being in top-form I scored some incredibly beautiful goals. Goals as you see them only once in ten years. People cheered and were out of their minds.

I knew better though. One of the players was an old friend, with whom I had broken up. Secretly I watched his activitities, the latter including all kinds of charity projects. He organized pilgrimages for the sick and foodpackages for the homeless.

In the last scene I found myself in a shrift shop. Many people has brought things in. They were all stored on shelves. Almost all shelves were already loaded with things. Only my corner appeared to be empty, still. Finally, everybody in the shop were offered cakes. I was the last who got one.....

Over the years, when it came to the extent of my compassion the Mother showed Her unrelenting face. She is very dissatisfied with me in this regard. This dream is just one of many. It says, that even if you are a top talent, but doesn't possess compassion.....How stubborn I am. Is this the reason why the Mother still lets me suffer?

Before I lament about others I better look at myself first.

Thanks a lot, Mother.

Part 3

My background was highly unfavorable in this regard*. After the first two years of having enjoyed the love and care of my mother, a little brother was born. "Instantly" the care shifted totally to him. It was war, my mother was weak, recovering from her second cesarean and my brother was vulnerable. I had the overwhelming feeling of being abandoned.

* My autobiography "Song of Perfection" will be translated into English shortly. Until then you may see "Autobiography".

In the years that followed, I totally shut myself off. Actually, I continuously mourned about the loss. Moreover, my little brother had managed to totally take up mother's time. At my costs. So I was filled with resentment or worse. At the same time, my mother started to put a rigid educational regime on me. I had to totally answer to her (very high) ideals.

As far as I remember, during fifty years or so, my mother has NEVER asked me about MY feelings, desires or interests. Only reprimanding and condemning me. So, I never felt any loving support. Summarizing: while I was forced to comply with highly idealistic goals, at the same time, I was cut off from any nourishing source. I got stuck between the need to be myself and to give myself away.

That's why my healing process takes up an entire life. It is something I have always felt. The last part of my life will be the highlight. Finally, I will reach maturity (haha). In the mean time, I receive the unlimited Love of the Eternal Mother. Isn't that a miracle? What I had to do without, She has given me back a thousand times*.

* So, who said I had an "unfavorable background?".....

I don't have to be a source to myself, anymore. She has become my Unlimited Source, instead. To always realizing this, is the gate to the Way, Truth and Life.

I pray for all those who are worse off than me.   

December 19, 1999

Part 1

In the mean time, I hear those voices, saying "see, this is typically someone, who has projected his mother-complex into the Transcendence. It explains why he calls God "Mother". It is his way of coping with his pain. This whole story is an example of how religious delusions are born. Food for psychologists, really".*

See: "The Terrible Mother" and "The Mother Complex"

Part 2

Let me proceed to the order of the day. This month, I promised to share some teaching with you. The core is MotherWorship. This part I have elaborated upon, already, though. However, not everyone wants to step into devotion and surrender. For many this would be a bridge too far. That's why The Universal Way has been created. It includes a sequence of steps more adapted to the situation most people are in. So, I'll start with the beginning.

The Universal Way includes various phases of the spiritual Path, like they were granted to me in the course of time. It is life itself. Elements of all spiritual traditions can be recognized in it. It has much relationship with the Grail legend, the latter which - against the context of the current world crisis - only gained actuality.

The true Way shows a spiral movement. One once and again passes through the same phases, in our case: awakening, personal integration, being rooted in Heaven and Earth, breakthrough of the Light, purification/catharsis, taking refuge in the Ultimate and compassion e.g. service, in which every phase is being confronted by new challenges. With every new opening (of the Spirit) new contents come up which initiate a new cycle of consciousness, mostly on a "higher" level. Every problem is matched by corresponding grace and vice versa.

It often begins with the pain of alienation and the subsequent longing for wholeness. This is leading toward "awakening", which is equal to giving up your unconscious identification with your self-image (ego). You discover who you really are: your inner observing (Step 1). Because of the inner distance with regard to everything that comes up in you - thoughts, images, emotions, desires - contents that were previously suppressed pop up in your newly created space. Hence the next phase of "personal integration", in which these contents are still being embraced (Step 2).

Through step by step extension of consciousness, your (direct) surroundings will - at a certain moment - become part of your "inner" Space, as well. You then love the tree like yourself....This coincides with Step 3 of "being rooted in Heaven and Earth". Only then a solid foundation will be laid, on the basis of which a "Breakthrough of the Light" can take place.

It is the phase of intensive meditation (Step 4). However, even then "you haven't arrived". Because of your openess, strong unprocessed complexes - egotism, pain, angst, rage - may suck energies, blowing themselves up: dark clouds against an empty sky. They can become so strong, that at a given moment they start dominating you. It makes the next phase - "purification/ catharsis" - a must (Step 5). Is everything going well, though, then sooner or later you will arrive at a boundary, where the "I" has disappeared.

You yourself can't do anything anymore to proceed with the process. It is the phase of "surrendering to the Ultimate". Devotion replaces active striving (Step 6). The crown to the Way is the experience, that by being Nothing you are (embracing) everything, that, moreover, the Ultimate is so transparent, that "the mountains are again the mountains". The only thing worth living is inclusivity e.g. service toward all "sentient and non-sentient beings" (Step 7).*

* Every step can be considered a growth in compassion.

sometimes the beauty of life is so overwhelming
that I burst out in tears
I so much love the music, the dance, the people, nature
my sobbing is unstoppable

For an overview,
see "The Universal Way"

December 20, 1999

While waking up I had a familiar pressure in my head. No clarity whatsoever. This I recognize immediately: indigestion and self-poisoning during the night, this time due to too spicy food. The dream was in accordance to it. It typically was a dream as I used to have them. This time both an ex-girlfriend, my brother, a class with students and my parents all expressed their "concern" about the fact, that I didn't adjust to "common norms and values". They relentlessly criticized my spiritual Path. At last I got so fed up, that I knocked over the chairs my parents were sitting on....

This Blog is about "Living with the Ultimate". So I have to give way to what is happening, instead of going on with my teaching as I planned it. Two things can be learned from the dream. First, choosing the spiritual Path is not always without friction. You may come up against lack of understanding. Or worse. Especially those who are near to you may respond with sheer resistance. They have always relied on you as you were, deriving their security from the status quo. Once you change, this - they feel - all ceases. No one can give you a solution to this your problem. It all depends on you, your relationship and the situation. 

Friends may start abandoning you. It can be the beginning of a time, in which you feel (very) lonely. On the other hand, you may feel the relationships you're in increasingly meaningless. In this case, it may be you who break them off. Anyway, realize, that both ways create space for the New to bud. Sooner or later your life will regain meaning, this time it will be much more fulfilling. People start resonating with your new wavelength. New friendships will emerge. The reward is a new era in life.

Secondly, what we can learn here is, that in Consciousness all experiences are stored. Despite your level of awareness. Even after Enlightenment they still prove to be there. It gets even with all those theories, that say, that once Realized, your past will be behind you. Surely, the sharp edges will often be weared off. It is a sign that they have become part of the Whole. The good news is, that this insight will liberate you from the false idea e.g. obsession...., that you (first) have "to get rid of all impurities" in order to become Enlightened. 

Another thing is the impact food and digestion can have on your clarity of mind, your emotions (moods), dreams and thinking. This can be quite considerable. First of all, it is good to know that it exists. It prevents you from too much scrutinizing your "spiritual progress". On the other hand, it gives you the opportunity to improve your health. Emotional factors may be involved (overeating!) or indeed physical malfunctioning. Many people have some degree of indigestion. It is a chance to improve your diet e.g. eating habits.*

* See:, chapter "Personal Health Plan"

Restoring the Wholeness of Life.

December 21, 1999

Part 1

Last night snow fell. Looking out of the window, everything is white. A haze is covering the land. It is a kind of dream-state. The only noise comes from geese in the river. They happen to be white too. Magic!

Friends. Let's elaborate on The Universal Way* a little. The first step is Awakening. In order to become fruitful a strong drive is needed. Unlike patriarchal philosophies, saying that "life is suffering", I emphasize the opposite: "being cut off from life is suffering". Isn't our existential situation characterized by alienation, not only from our True Self, but also from our bodies and nature, from our deeper emotions, our femininity, our strength and our fellow human beings?

* Summaries in YouTube:

The more you let in the pain of this your alienation, the stronger the longing for Wholeness! How valuable pain is! Without it, your heart remains lukewarm and your Path always between two stools. What you need is a firm resolve. It is needed to overcome the many obstacles. Unexpectedly, you are receiving some help from "outside". It is the global crisis.

This crisis is the result of our ego-addiction. So, you cannot just denounce it by saying that this is "the outside world", having nothing to do with your "inner life". On the contrary! The destruction of the world is due to our ignorance, greed, addictions and stupidities. "To have is the inability to Be". So, our inner state of mind is directly reflected by our environment. Within is without. It is a test for the genuinity of your Path.

Nobody feels any pain? Ask the tigers, the birds, the butterflies, the trees, the flowers, the rivers, the oceans, the atmosphere and.....your own children! Not to forget the children of the Third World, the oppressed, the exploited, the raped, the poor, the hungry and the displaced. Maybe you begin with asking their forgiveness..... 

Apart from regret about your personal omissions, the realization, that "this cannot go on anymore" can be very helpful for you to TURN ON. Everybody agrees: "the cause of the mess is the way we live". Normality is the disease!!! To really discover this can be quite shocking, though. Please, take some time to get this across. Let it penetrate your whole being. Feel the pain, the unbelief and also your resistance. Does this mean, that we have to (dramatically) change our (convenient) lifestyle?

Only when you include the world intelligent responses are possible. So, come out of your "shell, cave, bunker or (golden) cage". Become alive by confronting yourself. Don't remain at the sideline. By doing this, you will discover that your life regains meaning, once again. The challenge is your liberation. Forgetting yourself by being dedicated to the Whole, brings you back to life. Start to fly with the wings of commitment, joy and the spirit of cooperation.

Come out to get in.

Part 2

Awakening itself appears to be a piece of cake. "Normally" you are caught by thoughts, emotions and desires. To such an extent, that you don't know this your "You". Your Real Self is permanently covered by clouds. To be dominated by problems is sucking a lot of energy away. It is the basic cause of stress, fatigue and burn-out. Blessed are those, who end up in a dead end. They have no choice but to change. Their longing for renewal will be genuine. They know the hell of an ego-centric lifestyle from experience.

In practice, body-relaxation is essential. By doing so, the stress in your head will slowly become less. Without restoring contact with the body first, your "mindfulness" will be based on will-power, e.g. self-effort, only. Very soon you will get exhausted. Before becoming mindful of anything, you have to restore contact with your own body first, though. Take any activity. Before starting to wash the dishes, you first of all become open to the sensations of your feet in contact with the floor. Watch and feel.

If that has established itself, then you start feeling your breathing. Once you are tuned in, then - while keeping "feeling contact" with both your feet and breathing - you start washing the dishes. The surprise: not you but your "aware body" is doing the dishes! Instead of getting exhausted, the energy is sheer inexhaustible. Often you feel, that IT has taken over. How joyful this is! Body relaxation and the growth of inner Space appear to be two sides of the same coin.  

You do the same, while sitting on a chair. After the basic conditions are fulfilled, you then start to watch the inside of your eyelids. You watch them like you watch TV. You realize: "I am here and my eyelids are there". Sooner or later, thoughts will appear on the screen in front of you. You realize that there is an inner distance between you, the observer, and the observed.

Previously, your thoughts, emotions and desires were your "within". By "stepping back" they are replaced by your watching. A new situation has replaced the old. Your inner observer - your True Self - is your within, while your thoughts etc. appear to be on the periphery. While staying where your are - in your inner Center - the objects of the Mind come and go. Conclusion, I am NOT my thoughts, emotions and desires.

It is the first step towards liberation: I am here and my problems are there. To have problems is not the problem, but to be dominated by them, is.

Part 3

For many this is the end station. They are so happy to have got rid of trouble. So they start to identify themselves with their state of being. They start cultivating it. Their aim is to disengage from the world. By doing so, they bring about a split between the "inner" and the "outer". Eventually, the "inner world" is the only realm left. With disdain they look down on those who are still "attached to the world". How "impure" the latter still are! Actually, it is them going round in circles. Locked up in their "golden" cage, they prove to be immune to the call to further liberate themselves. 

Friends, don't be fooled with a fake liberation. Remain free. By not fixing yourself to any state of mind, but always making once again space for the HereNow, awareness will be further expanding. Your inner Center will become more and more spatial. If it becomes more spatial, then - sooner or later - thoughts, that previously appeared in front of you, will be included by your extended Mind, they have become content of your inner Space. O, irony, thoughts, emotions and desires are again within You. However, not locked up somewhere down below, unconsciously, but as free objects in a free Space.

Last but not least. Longing for homecoming helps too. Some feel it, others don't. In fact, it is Mother's Vacuum that draws you within. By realizing this you start giving in to "Mother's longing". By "dying to the old" - giving up the (unconscious) identification with your small self, your self-image and your self-centeredness - you will be reborn as a New (Wo)Man.

The Path of Self-Realization and the Path of Surrender are complementing each other.

To be continued by Step 2: "Personal Integration".

December 22, 1999

When I was a boy, I had a great passion: being in nature and bird watching. My parents had a (very) smal piece of forest. It was my first true home. I also went to the beach and the dunes regularly (at the time of the migration f.i.) and to natural parks in France and Switzerland. Now, after many decades, I have the privilege of living in nature, once again. It is a very happy coincidence*, indeed.

* Yesterday I saw a king fisher, a beautiful "mergus serrator" (duck family, I don't know the English name) with glancing creme/yellow and black colors (very rare) and an owl, all within 50 meters from our home. Incredible!

After my "Threefold Realization" and the subsequent 10 years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987) I spend a lot of time in nature, as well. The difference was, that I changed home frequently. Sometimes I didn't have any home, at all. It was a most carefree time, roaming around like "God's Fool". Actually, I lived in the Eternal Moment, hence, looking back I don't remember too many details.*

* Eternity is the Realm of the Great Oblivion. Joke: "Who still wants to go to Heaven?"

Isn't that strange? The moments in which you are most happy leave no trace. Ten years! thus seem to have been passed like a flash. Not to be recommended to those, who still want to have many dear memories when they are old (haha). To the mind this is all "wasted time". What I remember most is my stay in nature. It was there, where I wrote most of my poems*.

* Unfortunately, most are (still) in Dutch only. See: "Omniversen". For an English excerpt: see "Spiritual poems".

At that time, I wrote the following introduction to one of the chapters.

I, the Great Mother, the Vacuum, the Cosmic Womb, the Unfathomable Depth of the universe, in the bottomless Turning Point of Non-Doing, says to you: the entire visible world finds its origin in Me, without Me bringing it about. Everything originates in Me despite Myself and returns to Me: both the Divine, the Light, Being as well as the flowers, the plants, the grass, the trees, the rocks, the rivers, the clouds and the sees are all expressions of My Non-Activity.

The universe is "My Mystic Body", it is an uninterrupted celebration of My Omnipresence. The visible is the substance of the Invisible, the temporary is the incarnation of the Eternal. People also. They are my spitting image in two ways. Like everything else, their spirits are in My Spirit, while their bodies are in My Body. Therefore, revere, serve, experience and realize Me in a twofold way. Listen now to my spokesman:

while walking through the grass
in community with the trees
my hands coming together for a greeting
I know that I am at Home here

(First of 24 stanza's)
See: "Omniverses" (Dutch)

Rejoice, we have no choice.

December 23, 1999

African Letter

Last month I started writing about Africa. I shared my enthusiasm about the manifold learning possibilities. Most white people are very biased about the continent. This has several reasons. First of all, due to the continuous bombardment of negative reports of the media. Africa is portrayed as a "corner", that is repulsive for its poverty, its dangerous epidemics, its violence, its primitive tribal societies, its corruption and of course its blackness.

Obviously, Africa has many problems, indeed. Some are reason for great despair. So, it is not that I underestimate them, at all. My concern is about the fact, that when only problems are emphasized, the negative spiral will be unstoppable. A breakthrough is needed. Despite all the misery, we have to start seeing the great, unique, positive and inspiring side of Africa. Of course, this is something African people have to do themselves in the first place.  

We have been brain-washed with the idea, that Africans still have a lot to learn (of course, from us...). It hardly comes to our mind, that we can learn a lot from them. Some of us have learned about the failure of our "development aid", though. How, for every dollar (euro) that goes in, a manifold is taken out. Exploitation in "disguise". Overall, I think, contacts with Afica are on a too narrow basis. It is all dominated by economics. On the other hand, real development happens, when all sectors of society start flowering.

I like to introduce an entirely new project: Mother Africa Pilgrimages. It started with the question: "what can we (whites) learn from Africa?" Once I began this astounding journey I discovered one treasure after the other. So, what is it that can be learned from Mother Africa?

Let's start with the spiritual realm. The most important breakthrough is the Revelation of the Ultimate as a Vacuum, a Cosmic Womb.* Everything, without exception, including the Divine (Light) as well as the universe are originating from Her. "Darkness precedes Light" (inscrption in Salerno Cathedral, Italy). Hence, the Origin of all life is Black. In pre-Christian era this was called the Great Mother. She has left Her traces in the Black Madonna's of Europe.

* See: "Threefold Realization", "HerStory" and "Black Madonna of Einsiedeln"

Moreover, science has demonstrated, that the whole of mankind descends from one common African ancestor: Black Eve. Spirituality and history are coming together here. First aim of our Mother Africa Pilgrimage: to pay our respect to our common ancestor: the Great Black Mother.

Ever since, whites have denied their spiritual and human ancestry. They started to suppress Darkness in favor of the Light. "Christ, who is bringing Light into Darkness". Darkness became the shadow of the white soul. It served as a store house of everything ugly, fearful, detestable and sinful. Indeed, synonymous to the Devil. Subsequently, they started fighting against it. It is the foundation of every crusade of every kind, undertaken in the name of "civilization".   

On the psychological level, Africa could help us to become aware of our projections. Through close contact with Africans we have the opportunity to still integrate our "shadow". This to the benefit of both Africans and ourselves.

People from the Third World and in particular Africa suffer most from the climate crisis e.g. environmental degradation. We, the rich countries are the cause, though. It should commit us to do something. One of the priorities is to adopt a much more simple lifestyle. We have to learn voluntary simplicity. I was born in the war (WW ll), so, I remember how it was at that time. The positive side: a strong community feeling, mutual help and....much less disease.

Again, Africa could be our teacher here. Rather than pitying her for it, we could emphasize the positive side of living with little and still surviving on it. While we learn, Africans will appreciate our attitude in this regard.

Africa used to be a matriarchy. Still, quite some tribal societies have a matrilinear structure, in which names, status and possessions are handed over via women. Still, women occupy important roles in society. It is common, that women are the main advisors, the peace bringers, taking care of the coherence of the tribe and the ones that take care of the land and the economy. Sometimes, the energy of women inspires men, as well. The best societies are those, where both sexes cooperate.

Western societies are in decay. One of the symptoms is the disintegration of the community. Obviously, Africa also suffers from it. Still, there is a big difference. What we can learn from the African situation is how to re-integrate our communities. In which women, once again, play a major role.

The curse of Western society is its individualism and materialism. Alienated from our True Selves, from our bodies and nature, from our deeper emotions, our femininity, our strength and our fellow human beings....we are totally "thrown upon ourselves". Our deepest longing is for Wholeness on all levels. Restoring contact with nature is one of our major concerns. Africa - with its overwhelming natural beauty - could help us in healing these (self-inflicted!) wounds.

Summarizing. Africa proves to be a great Teacher to the West. It requires an open mind, a sympathetic heart and a willingness to learn. Mother Africa Pilgrimages could play an important role in this regard. We are especially keen on the mutuality of the project. In the spiritual tradition students have to contribute to the (material) wellbeing of the teacher. It is a token of respect, dedication and gratitude. This could open a entirely new perspective to African-Western relationships. So, what could we Westeners contribute?

Our emphasis lies on spirituality, women and health. By paying respect to the Original Black Mother we support African Traditional Religions in their struggle to survive. (Women also struggle for an equal position in the established churches). We will subsequently contribute to all those efforts, that try to provide prosperity to families e.g. communities. We do that by supporting all kinds of local (women) initiatives: in the area of the economy, ecology, (organic) agriculture, community and education. Last but not least, we will help with introducing holistic/biological/natural health care.

It is in this field, that we can offer most. It is based on more than 35 years of expertise. Obviously, we know about the critical situation Africa is in with regard to health care. Its main problems are related to economic exploitation, ecological degradation, corruption, poverty and under-nourishment. All these facors combined cause a weak immune system. Hence, all kinds of epidemics having a devastating effect. In the media it is suggested, that only Western (technological) medicine can have some impact in containing the worse effects.

Nothing is further from the truth, though. Holistic medicine can make a big difference in Africa. The atmosphere has been blurred, because of some amateurish attempts to cure HIV/AIDS with herbs and vegetables. What is probably unknown to Africa is, that especially Europe has a long and established tradition of Traditional Medicine. F.i. Germany's record is unique in this regard. During many centuries it developed a standard that fully complies with academic demands. Rule is, that we cure diseases (hypertension, diabetes, artrosis, cancer, etc.etc.), where regular medicine fails. 

As a pioneer I want to offer my expertise to Africa. It consists of 1. proposals for a structural re-organization of health care, 2. a new scientific approach based on medical system theory, 3. a contribution to health education and prevention and finally 4. support for the curative sector, e.g. strengthening the immune system of the people through "Flow System Therapy".*

All therapies include self e.g. mutual help, a natural approach without side-effects, accordance with local traditional views and practices, cost-effectiveness, a joy for those who put them into practice and a new foundation of community health. 

* See:, a.o. chapter "Flow System Therapy", "World Health Care" and "Natural Therapy for the Third World".

Are you interested in participating to our Mother Africa Pilgrimages? We try to organize them twice a year (to begin with). Please, contact us.

Let's start A New Era!

December 24, 1999

I should go on with the teaching. Today I will elaborate on "personal integration". It is the second step of The Universal Way. Once you have opened yourself up, not only common thinking, emotions and desires are popping up, but also the ones that in the past have been suppressed. What is the logic of it? Didn't you become your New Self, your inner Space, with corresponding qualities like clarity, inner balance and stability, freedom and joy? For sure you did. It is indeed a totally new foundation of life. Enjoy it without reservation.

There happen to be some "side-effects", though. First of all, while your inner Space is expanding, your ego - the identification with your self-image - is weakening. Well, you would say, isn't that the purpose of it all? (Hopefully you are not one of those who "want to get rid" of your ego...). Anyway, this is indeed the consequence of the process you are in. Few realize, though, that the ego had a positive (in fact many) function, as well. It is keeping suppressed emotions down. It is a safeguard. To be confronted with (violent) emotions all the time would make life impossible.

An increasingly weakening ego can't prevent them from coming to the surface, though. The shock: since starting your "path toward harmony and peace", you may become confronted with outbursts of "negativity" - pain, fear, anger, self-pity, inferiority complex, self-hatred, etc. - like you never experienced before. The danger is that you (once again) start rejecting them. That you consider them as "obstacles" on your path toward liberation. Especially those, who have pre-conceived ideas about "positive thinking" are most likely to step into this pitfall.

Studying the birth and growth of the personality would help. As a child you accept what you like and reject what is too difficult to digest. It can be symbolized by a medieval city. What is welcome is within the walls, what not is outside. The structure is the same. Psychologists call this the pain and pleasure principle. It is a built in mechanism. We share it with animals and plants. Crucial insight: your personality is formed by rejection, by creating inner stepchildren. Like all rejected children they start pressing to become part of the Whole (once again).

To consider "negativity" as your inner stepchildren, that nag to become accepted, sheds a totally new light on the problem. Knowing this, would you be able to reject them, once again? Of course you won't. You would invite them, enclosing them in your arms. You realize their suffering of having been outsiders for a whole lifetime. You can easily forgive their "impossible" behavior. Once you embrace them, they become part of the Whole again. And what happens? You guess it. It is like a unhappy child taken on mother's lap: its sorrow vanishes into thin air.

The release of emotions often shows a certain pattern. It goes back in time. This means, that first your (relatively) recent ones pop up, then the older ones, while eventually the oldest ones come to the surface. It complies with the life-film people see, just before dying. Hence, a popular way of daily meditation is in the evening visualizing crucial moments of the day, always from the evening back to the morning. The earlier the trauma, the more fixed it is in your unconscious. It gives you a clue ("diagnosis") about your integration process.

F.i. if you re-experience a crucial episode from the time you were six, then you know, that everything after it has been already integrated. This may include "physical" symptoms. The older the emotions, the more they may be tied to your physical substance, as well. The release manifests itself in two ways. It is either accompanied by bodily symptoms like shivering, trembling, heat wave, crying or outburst or expresses itself through full-blown physical catharsis e.g. "disease". An example: recently, I have to suffer from intense and persisting itching on my head.*

* Sri Ramakrishna also had that. In his case it lasted several years....  

Practical methods helping you with "personal integration" are a.o. "feeling (body) awareness" (See: "The Universal Way", chapter 2), "Emotional self-integration" and "Focusing" (by E.Gendlin)

Be like the Mother: all-embracing.  

December 25, 1999

Part 1

Han Marie's Christmas Address

Obviously, the coming of Light is a joyful event. No doubt, that it gives "hope" to the hearts of many. It rarely comes to mind, though, that the real mystery of the Winter Solstice e.g. Christmas is Darkness. Compare the Light with Darkness, yourself. Isn't the former singular, "linear", easy to perceive, plain and uncomplicated? Yes, it is self-evident, not giving cause for extensive elaboration. Darkness on the other hand, is unfathomable. The more you go into it, the deeper its Mystery. One of its mysteries is, that it is giving birth to the Light.

While the Light is "one-dimensional", Darkness has an infinite potential. Not surprisingly thus, that in ancient times She was revered as the "Cauldron of Regeneration". Her Abyss is incomprehensible. She is the Bottomless Pit of birth and death. Is that the reason why "man"kind increasingly distanced itself from Her? Is She simply too intangible, not accessible for hu"man" reasoning? Too frightening also? Some time ago, a Buddhist scholar broke the silence about this delicate topic.

She resolutely makes her point in shifting the priority from the offspring - the Buddhas - to the Origin, the Womb from which the former are being born. Obviously, there is a hierarchy between them: "first the Mother, then the Son". Prof. Shaw emphasizes exactly that. This kind of approach is very rare, even among Buddhist feminists. Considering that fact, Miranda's article is a highlight without precedence. Hence, I strongly recommend you to reading it.* 

* Prof. Miranda Shaw "Blessed are the Birth-givers", Parabola Vol.. 23 No. 4 Winter 1998. Pp. 48-53.

While Buddha's are born out of the Light (Emptiness), in its turn, the Light - Buddha-Nature - is born out of Darkness (Emptiness beyond Emptiness). In Buddhism this is generally "forgotten"*. However, you can find it back with almost all Buddha-statues: Buddha sitting on the lotus. Contrary to the common meaning, in which the lotus is more or less an ornament only, we emphasize the Origin: the Lotus symbolizing the Womb out of which Buddha-Nature is born. Hence, we revere the Buddha, but worship the Lotus.**

* In ancient China, before Buddhism, black was the sacred color. F.i. major ceremonies were all held in black. After Buddhism became the dominating religion, black was denounced for being the color of hell, evil and crime.....

** See also: Great Mother Buddhism, chapter "Womb of all Buddhas"

Christmas as a celebration of Darkness giving birth to the Light? Wouldn't that deepen our life? Like in former times? Going into an (imaginary) womb, cave or crypt* (in the oldest churches still a place of initiation!), re-enacting the cosmic drama, isn't that our deepest longing? What is the purpose of the spiritual Path, if it doesn't solve your existential problem: your ANGST of Nothingness? Indeed, all this piety with sitting round the tree singing songs (or doing a ritual) beats about the bush. It is a social (commercial!), rather than a spiritual event.   

* Some ten years ago I visited Koyasan (Japan), the center of Esoteric Buddhism. There I attended the "Dark Room Prayer", a meeting of about a hundred people with text recitation. Thanks to the Darkness primordial trust was restored, all fear had disappeared....It felt so beneficial! 

Alien to "Christian Tradition?" In the early (Pre-romanesque and Romanesque) ages, many church crypts were dedicated to the Black Madonna. Pilgrims would walk long distances in order to worship Her. Once arrived they flocked into the Dark Space, making circles while praying. The darkness wasn't something to be afraid of, at all. On the contrary, it rather gave the feeling of a protective womb. Not surprisingly thus, that these places were among the most popular in the country (e.g. France, Italy, Spain).   

"The Light shines in the Darkness, but the Light didn't understand". It has denied its Cosmic Mother. Rather than recognizing Her as its Origin, reason for limitless gratitude, it has turned Her into the source of all evil. If there is anything worth of being repaired, it should be this. Therefore, at Christmas, let's be joyful about the birth of the Light, but worship the Mother. 

See also:, our most recent video (Alkmaar Talk, in Dutch).

Happy Christmas!

Part 2

an indefinable longing
surrounds me
may I always be part of the Whole
that I am MySelf

I long for strength
coming to the open without
acknowledging my Origin

let me do everything
in Your Name
complying with peoples' deepest longing
going back Home

December 26, 1999

Yesterday, in bed, I did my usual body-awareness exercise. This time, I watched and felt my entire intestine, from the stomach to the rectum. The surprise was, that every part was simultaneously projected into my mind. I saw my duodenum, colon etc. in front of me, silver color, very much alive. Especially watching and feeling the horizontal part of the colon had an immediate impact on the front lobe of my brain. The latter becoming very fresh and bright.

This morning, I remembered the following dream. I found myself naked, touching with my body the back of a equally naked girl from head to toes. The shapes of our bodies fitted perfectly. My frontside felt totally electrified. However, without feeling any specific sexual desire. We stood there just feeling each other, making no movement, at all. When we separated, both of us expressed surprise about the inclusiveness of the experience. Especially her spine, she said, felt totally rejuvenated e.g. empowered.

In the next part, I saw a drawing of myself covering the page of a newspaper. I was portrayed as Maitreya Buddha in a teaching posture, very gentle, "as beautiful as a man can be". An article next to the picture announced my future activities. The miracle: it was written in such a way, that people from all backgrounds could read it!

Subsequently, I walked in nature, barefoot. It was a tropical landscape. Snakes were there, but they didn't do any harm. I didn't show the slightest trace of fear. I felt harmony all around, like in paradise, all creatures living peacefully with each other. I joyfully went down to a pond, admiring a new species of lotus flower.

Finally, I found myself in a stadium. It was packed with black and white people. It was a very merry atmosphere, indeed, a mass-celebration. Everybody laughed, talked, were eating and danced with each other.

The lightness of life revealed.     

NB. December 21, Part 2 has been improved.


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